Consistency

For a while now, I’ve been struggling to get promoted at my current work place. While I’ve also been expanding my horizons and looking elsewhere to bigger and better things, I had the chance to sit down with my head Store Manager for a really frank conversation. You see, I’ve been told for years that I’m “almost there.” And I’ve never been able to nail down what they actually want. I’ve had this conversation so often with so many different managers and none of them have been able to communicate what they want to see.

I’ve heard a lot of buzz words that end up meaning too little. Double-speak and gibberish which makes me feel more confused going out than I was going in. I had one with a manager a week or two ago and I was so depressed afterwards that I felt like I just wanted to hide under the covers for a week.

But I finally got the truth. And it’s consistency. I was told up front that my customer service skills are excellent. My tech abilities are stellar. I have good ideas, I learn from feedback, generally I’m everything they want. But the truth of the matter is that I have mood swings. I tend to go up and down in mood. I’ll be good for a while, then burn out and crash for a while. The reason I have been passed over time and again is because of this.

I think all those other managers were trying to communicate that, but I never heard it in a way where it really made sense to me. I always wondered what was really going on. And I finally got to hear what happened in the meeting where they decided to pass me over again for the 9-10th time.

Now, I could have a little pity party right now. I could whine that their communication skills suck. That they can’t elaborate on their ideas. That they can’t have the courage to come up and really try to help me get it.

But I don’t want to do that. Because I’ve been down that road and it leads to nothing and nowhere.

So I’ve been praying hard and thinking hard about what I’ve been doing. I think that now I’m aware of it, I’ll have a better time trying to deal with it. My biggest concern isn’t tomorrow, or next week, or even next month, but two and a half months from now when I got zero sleep and got in a fight with Laura before going to work. That’s the key. That’s what matters.

Only real hope is divine intervention, right?

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The Orion Project: Redemption

I finally ended Chapter 37 and 38. The total word count is around 133K. Page count is 755 in my Word document. And yes, I know that’s way too long. I’m not caring about editing right now, I’m caring about getting to the end of Part II (yes I’m only 2/3s done) so I can do something else for a while. It will probably be an editing project for my “Scribe” novella I did last fall. That story has really been calling to me and I think I can do better by it.

College Adventures

I’ve narrowed down some of my options. I’m seriously considering going to “National University” for a BA in Digital Media Design. It’s accredited, it’s legitimate, and it’s definitely in the right direction for eventually getting a job in the video game industry. I know in truth it won’t matter that much to any studio I apply to, but in truth, I’ve always regretted not having a BA. It’s tormented me for years. It bothers me every time I see an “Almuni” license plate holder on the freeway. So it happens A LOT.

I’m not entirely sure about it, but I’m going to continue to do research on the subject. My goal is to focus on 3 different schools and get all the information I can get by the end of April. I want to make a decision by the middle of May.

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Caitlyn

Caitlyn’s almost walking! Just last night she did 15 steps in a series of toddling stumbles for both me and Laura. We’re so happy!

In Other News…

I finally got a new camera. It’s the Canon PowerShot ELPH 300 HS. I talked to a ton of my coworkers who regularly work with photography before I did it and it seems like the best camera for the job. I won’t really get to put it through it’s paces until Sunday because the SD card I ordered from Amazon doesn’t come in until Saturday.

And I’m sleeping worse and worse. I feel like I’m getting maybe 4 hours of sleep lately, with the insomnia, Caitlyn and our annoying orange cat. But there’s not a lot I can do about it. Sleep is for the weak, right?

Okay, just about done here. I’m now aiming to start having a blog post once a week or so. I can’t really handle more than that. And I just don’t have enough to talk about otherwise!

You folks have fun now, you hear?

-rks

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Reflections upon the Path (ME3: T-3)

Life

The last several days have not been kind. Things have been difficult at work. I’ve had to deal with a lot of bullies in our customers. It’s sad. I often get to deal with awesome people, such as Angela, who originally inspired me to start a blog about my writing adventures. But there are some people who simply don’t understand (or want to understand) how things work.

Due to constraints regarding employees blogging, I don’t want to go into too much detail. However, it is greatly contributing to my frustration and burnout. You see, I’m one of those people who constantly want to be challenged intellectually in my work. At present, I’ve been in my position for a while, so I’m trying to secure something a bit more challenging. However, it’s hard to look further to the end of the path when you keep stumbling over the rocks in your way. You eventually just start staring at your feet.

In truth, now I’m looking forward to Mass Effect 3 even more, because I’m going to have a mini-vacation for it. 3 days off. And I need the break from work. I’m trying hard not to burn out. I’m praying a lot, praying for God to change my attitude and my environment. But then I wonder what God’s trying to teach me when he keeps having people like this step into my life.

It’s like a riddle that you keep staring at, knowing the answer is out there, but you’re missing it. I feel like I’m missing something, something important.

I just hope it comes to me soon. The good news is that I only have one more day of work after this: Monday. Then I’m truly free. 😀

New Stuff on Storming Dawn

Yay! I’ve finally had the chance to update my page a bit more. I’ve posted some of my favorite screenshots in World of Warcraft. I’ll be adding a section for personal photography soon, but these are some of the truly iconic screenshots in WoW for me, specifically of my characters and adventures. I’m a bit of a shutterbug, even in WoW, which is a bit silly, but what are you going to do? 🙂

Have fun!

-rks